Alan Caudillo

the not a list story



The thyroid is the control center for everything in the body; weight, metabolism, sickness. If your thyroid is fucked up, it can explain why you can never lose weight, no matter how much you exercise, no matter how little you eat, you'll still just get fatter and fatter. I'm allergic to everything except for milk. Sesame oil, peanut oil, strawberries, yeast, peppers, everything will seriously almost kill me, but I can eat ice cream until the cows get home. I moved my mother from her rundown Watts apartment to a nice neighborhood, right next to the west L.A. Police station, what could be safer I thought. She developed breast cancer from the police microwave tower and died seven years later. You have allergies because you have a dirty colon. You have to clean out your colon like I did, 7 days lemon and honey with water, I was peeing out my ass at the end but I've never had an reaction since. His wife wants him to see some kind of Ayurvedic or other sort of New Age hippie doctor, she doesn't trust his Endocrinologist because he only prescribes Western Medicine. 'Dr. Pornchai uses Indian medicine that goes back three thousand years' she said, 'Great' he said 'I should start trusting medical practices that three thousand years ago gave the people an average lifespan of 25 years, up from 15 years a few hundred years before." The best way to get rid of athletes foot is to pee on them in the shower. Its also good for jellyfish stings. The greatest thing that ever happened to my marriage, seriously, was having my hysterectomy. No more PMS, no mood swings, just me, only without a uterus. Let me give you some advice, screw vitamins. The only thing beneficial about vitamins is the glass of water you drink with them. Everything else just gets flushed into the sewer system. We used to think that maybe my daughter was crazy, she would freak out for no reason, she was irritable and hard to be around, she lacked focus. Then we found out she had sleep apnea, big tonsils kept her from breathing right and stopped her from going into REM, she wasn't crazy, just insanely tired. The best thing you can do for your body is drink green tea. Black tea is fermented and is horrible for you, but green tea has antioxidants and actually works like an antibiotic.

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